You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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