Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
