How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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