So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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