five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
