don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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