At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
