I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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