My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
