I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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