Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
