Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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