There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
