One girl and one boy is just not enough.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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