i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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