Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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