I hate all girls vehemently.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize