I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
