You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
How external is "for external use only"?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
