this beer tastes like vomit already
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
