Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
