Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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