If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
