Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
