i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
