FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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