Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
