Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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