I like my sex mixed with concussions.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
