It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize