I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
