She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
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