Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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