theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just pee around me
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
