i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You are the jesus of drinking
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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