apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
