He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
