My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize