the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
