Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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