how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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