This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
im calling her cock vulture from now on
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize