This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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