My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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