of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
