so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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