I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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