I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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