he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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