We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
