Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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