my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
