My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize