The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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