"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just want to make out with him forever
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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