Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
