i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
