what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
