just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
