We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Is Oprah even human
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
