if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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