peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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