my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
