Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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