Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
