yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
