Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
