THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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