You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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