I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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