Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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